You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
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You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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