didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
