Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
