1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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