why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
