I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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