Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
