even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
