Sry I called you an 8
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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