Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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