my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
