i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
