capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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