Your mouth is God's brothel.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
