I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
