I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
