i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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