life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
