I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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