Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
