And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
