I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
