The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
