Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
