I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
