What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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