the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
