I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
