so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
