She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
