I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize