i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me