Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups