her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh