I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups