Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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