Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
