it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
