I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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