I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
