Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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