Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
