I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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