Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
