Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
