I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
