He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
