Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
