Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize