Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
