Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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