Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
