shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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