Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
