At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
