I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
