she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
