I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
