I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
