We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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