And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Semen is not good for contacts.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
