Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
