Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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