Plan B is the new Plan A
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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