So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
