I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
