Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
