Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
do nipples grow back?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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