I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
