So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Randomize
