Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
