Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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