Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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