my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
