Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
