Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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