i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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