please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
