don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
