im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The air was thick with penises
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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