In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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