You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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