There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
