bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
