Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
